fake news, hardwood, satire

DeMarcus Cousins ejected after blocking five-star recruit

DeMarcus Cousins was ejected after rejecting five-star middle-school basketball recruit, Bernie McSwervy. McSwervy, an eighth-grader listed at 6’2, attempted to go up for a dunk but met Cousins at the rim, McSwervy then took a hard fall into the photographers under the basket.

DeMarcus Cousins hosted his own charity event with the Disabled Pelicans benefit.  Disabled Pelicans is a new charity created by both Cousins and teammate Anthony Davis and focuses on the species survival.  The program looks toward the future in ensuring pelicans avoiding extinction.

“We’re always looking for ways to improve the species of our favorite birds,” Sally Carmicheal said.  “The birds also love to watch sports and especially enjoy it when the Atlanta Falcons lose.”

The benefit included a buffet dinner and a basketball game featuring middle-school hoopers and Cousins, but he was forced to leave the stadium premises after the ejection.  Cousins was also involved in a heated verbal altercation with a referee earlier in the game.

Bernie McSwervy didn’t take the fall well and had choice words for Cousins.

“I respect what he can do on the court but his ignominious style of play when he isn’t in the NBA is extraordinarily abhorrent,” McSwervy said. “In the NBA, he’s very clean despite his fickle reputation and his mercurial personality but in everyday pickup games he is rather quite embarrassing to play with.”

Cousins refused to speak with the media after the game.

The 13-12 Pelicans host the Sacramento Kings on Friday at 7PMCT.  Cousins looks forward to playing against his former team and putting this matter behind him.

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