hardwood, satire

Chris Paul Still Rowing Amid Harvey Cleanup

The Rockets are 5-1 and four of those wins are without CP3. Paul hasn’t played since the season opener and is “week-to-week until he is 100 percent” according to the Rockets.

Paul has kept himself busy ever since the opener, he’s stationed in Houston and is still using the rowboat to help citizens from the Hurricane Harvey cleanup.  Just yesterday, Paul assisted (saved the lives of) fifty-five people, including high school football coach Chet Smith.

“Chris has been really great with this dire situation,” Smith says. “He’s even warned us on foods to avoid. We love having him here and embrace his presence.”

In September, Paul volunteered at a food bank and donated money to the Harvey Relief Foundation.

“He tells me not to eat chocolate cake for fear of flesh-eating bacteria,” says Houston police officer Johnathan Wilks. “He also says we should avoid bananas, eggs and anything with salt which is a bummer for me because I love salt.”

However, some Houston residents have shared different experiences when it came to Paul. Just ask Simon Goodall, an Oakland native who lived through Hurricane Harvey.

“I saw CP3 rowing on concrete and figured I have to go there for my safety [and to remind him he didn’t have to use the rowboat anymore] and Chris saw my Dubs hat, blew me off and left me to dry in the baking sun,” Goodall said. “He also gave me all these bananas for free and told me to eat them and I did but now I don’t feel too hot. I don’t think this is safe for him either, especially since he’s ‘injured’ but what do I know?”

Paul released a public statement regarding Goodall. “He should have known. I will never support a Warrior or any of its fans and we will not stand for the tyranny that is escalating in Oakland,” Paul barked.

Rockets head coach Mike D’Antoni is in full support with whatever Paul is up to since he’s been sidelined.

“Obviously with all that’s happened to this city in the last two months, it’s refreshing to see Chris help out Houston citizens and disregard Oakland natives,” D’Antoni said after the Rockets 109-93 win at Charlotte Friday night.

Chris Paul says he is making progress on the knee but isn’t sure when he’ll return.

“Man, you guys have to stop asking me this,” Paul responded. “I don’t know when I’ll be back [for the Rockets] but I am always here for Houston and I’m way past the California days, I’ll be physically 100% when I return. I’m already there mentally.”

The Rockets have started off on fire. Barring further injury, expect them to be in the top echelon of the Western Conference throughout the season. Paul still has no timetable for return but continues to row with wheels among concrete sidewalks surrounding Houston.

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