fake news, hardwood, satire

Kyrie Irving Dribbles Through Traffic

Irving taking a break on the way to Philadelphia. (Photo Credit: NIKE)

As the Celtics begin the season 2017-18 season 0-2, more distractions are on the way.

Kyrie Irving missed the team bus to Philadelphia and he is currently seen dribbling from Boston to Philadelphia to make it to tonight’s game against the 76ers.  Irving is coming off a 17 point game with three assists, 3 steals and a 108-100 loss to the Milwaukee Bucks.  Irving sees this as a positive.

Photo credit:  SB Nation

“I’m always trying to improve my dribble and catch defenses off guard,” Irving told a member of our team as he was leaving his front door.  “I guess the cars and trucks better watch out too.” Irving then began his journey at 5 a.m. EST

Celtic fans hope their star player can still perform after losing Gordon Hayward in devastating fashion. Irving, already taking a bigger load to start the season, hopes to spin past cars, side-step trucks and leave NBA fans in awe as he dribbles to Philadelphia.

“I look at this as a silver lining,” says Celtics die-hard Dustin Wyatt.  “Kyrie had three crucial turnovers on Wednesday, and we all know cars are faster than humans.  If he can make it by game-time, he’s capable of dropping sixty on the lowly Sixers.”

Others aren’t too thrilled.

“First he’s thinking the Earth is flat and now he misses the bus?” Asked Tanya Zucker, a sports management professor at Boston College. “Does he not believe in schedules, either?”

Irving will have quite the workout today.  He can only take so many breaks on the run over if he intends to play tonight. Boston to Philadelphia is 300 miles and takes the average human about 100 hours to walk or run.

“If there’s one thing we do know, it’s that Kyrie is not your everyday person,” said Zucker.

We hope Irving can make it by the National Anthem, otherwise, he may be fined by the NBA or worse yet, cut off from the league.

“It’s unfortunate, but I know Kyrie will show up when it counts,” said Celtics head coach Brad Stevens.

The Celtics are on the road against the Philadelphia 76ers tonight at 7 p.m. EST.

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